“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.”

Isaiah 49:1-4

“Listen to me, O coastlands, pay attention, you peoples far away! The LORD called me before I was born, while I was in my mother’s womb he named me. He made my mouth like a sharp sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me a polished arrow, in his quiver he hid me away. And he said to me, ‘You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will be glorified.’ But I said, ‘I have labored in vain, I have spent my strength for nothing and vanity; yet surely my cause is with the LORD, and my reward is with God.’”

And of course, the entire book of Job.

Psalm 37:3-5

“Trust in the LORD, and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.”

Tobit is helpful.

Luke 6:22-23

“‘Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you on the account of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, for surely your reward is great in heaven; for that is what their ancestors did to the prophets.’”

What’s up? I just wanted to let you know that I think I have enough stress in my life right now, so you can stop piling it on I think. Thanks so much!

Love Always,
Erin

Once upon a time I was a freshman in high school and my brother ({Chris}) was applying for college. The only college he applied to was UCI because he didn’t really have any college ambitions nor any inclination to leave his friends (a year behind him in HS). He was fine with going to a community college if he didn’t make it in.

Spring 2000 comes, and UCI tells Chris he’s been wait-listed, which pretty much means he didn’t get in. He was a little bummed, but what-ev. Then the day before graduation (or something crazy like that) they call and let him know hey! Do you still want to come here? Because there’s an opening. So of course, he was all about it, and yay, now he can go to UCI. Downside? It was now too late to apply for freshman housing. So he had to commute.

Fastforward to my senior year of high school, Fall 2002. My dad and I are at a college information night or whatever, and I’m looking around at colleges in California. Perferably Southern California, because that was where my then-boyfriend lived, and I didn’t want to leave him. The closest state university college to him would be UCLA (HA!), then UCI, etc. So I ended up applying to UCLA (I knew I had pretty much no chance of getting in), UCSB (Didn’t really care one way or the other), UCD (my sister’s alma mater), UCI (my number one choice, pretty much knew I would get in), and as a backup school… CSUF. I was pretty confident about my chances of getting in considering how little my brother tried. He took no honors classes, no extracurricular activities, SAT score wasn’t that great. I on the other hand was in AP English, got a 4 on my English AP test (5 is the best), was involved in the band for 4 years. The only thing I was concerned about was my SAT score, a pathetic 1160. I was hoping for at least 1200. But I scored fairly well on my ACT (I think I got in the neighborhood of 26-33 out of 36?), I thought that might help. Given this information, I thought I was good to go for UCI.

Oh how wrong I was.

Fullerton got back to me fastest. They wanted me like a doggie wants a milkbone, they wanted me to join the honors program and all this shit before I even heard from the UC’s. Given that I didn’t even WANT to go to CSUF, I didn’t really get back to them in a timely fashion. Next was UCLA I think, and of course they answered with a resounding no. I was okay with this, I knew it was a longshot. UCD responded and they wanted me, too. That was nice for my sister, and she really encouraged me to go there. UCSB was next and unexpectedly, they rejected me. I was a little surprised, and that got me worried about UCI. Why were they taking so long? If it was positive, shouldn’t I have heard from them by now?

Unfortunately, I received my last rejection from UCI soon thereafter, and I was crushed. I had placed all my eggs in one basket, and now I dropped the basket and they were all dead. I was devastated. To make matters worse, by this time I was already with Mike and less than willing to leave him to go to school 400 miles away in Davis. Not to mention, I knew my parents couldn’t afford it; there was just no way. My brother was still at UCI with no plans of finishing anytime soon, and going to UCD would require a lot of funds my family just didn’t have. I suppose if I really wanted to go there we could have made it happen, and maybe I should have, but my heart just wasn’t in it. So I ended up going to CSUF, my backup, without ever even having visited the school. It was an extremely hard pill to swallow, but my consolation was that Mike’s school was less than an hour away from mine. About a 30 minute drive.

I tried to take comfort in the fact that I could always transfer there later, but by then all of my friends were settling into their dorms, making new friends, and there I was still living at home. I grew really bitter; my classes were so ridiculously easy, easier than at my HIGH school, I felt like it was some kind of cruel joke that the universe was playing on me. To make matters worse, I couldn’t seem to fit in with my new surroundings. I tried to talk to people and make friends, but being a commuter school, I got the impression that most people’s friends from high school already went there or to a community college nearby, and they weren’t too interested in making new friends. Compiled with the fact that I only got to see Mike on the weekends, I grew really depressed. I felt like a complete failure; not only was I not smart enough to make it into a UC school, but I was somehow comepletely un-friend worthy.

Mike came back home that summer and decided not to go back to APU in the fall, but to go to a nearby culinary arts school instead. I was more than ecstatic, and it really helped lift me out of my depression. Mike and I were together again, and I didn’t feel as lonely as I did before. I knew I was placing all of my eggs in one basket again by relying on Mike so much, but I didn’t care. That fall I returned to CSUF a happier person and even made a couple friends in classes, although not the kind that I ever hung out with outside of class (unless it was cancelled). I still didn’t feel like I fit in there, but I accepted the fact that I probably never would fit in there, and I was okay with it. I began to think about going to UCI again, and figured out it would probably take me 2 more semesters to get the credits I needed.

Now it’s crunch time. I have to start making appointments with people to transfer, I need to start the process to getting in to UCI, and I have to admit I’m scared. I’m really apprehensive about getting my hopes up again only for them to be shattered, again. I don’t have any delusions about suddenly finding my niche at UCI; I know that by this time most people already have their friends and aren’t really interested in making new ones, and I’m semi-okay with that. I’m still hoping to maybe find housing, maybe that will get me more “in-touch” with campus culture, but being that I will be a transfer, a junior, and coming in the winter quarter, I doubt I will be able to find anything. That doesn’t mean I won’t try.

I’m also trying to figure out why it is I want to go there so bad. Do I really expect it to be that different from CSUF? What am I looking for? Why did I want to go there in the first place? Was it merely convenient for me? Why do I want to go there now? What do I want to do if I get there?

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. I don’t know what I want out of college, what I’m going to do with this degree I’m going to earn, I don’t even know if I like my major!

I’m pretty much a mess right now, and really need to pray about this and figure out where I want to go and do. I don’t like this lost, unsure feeling. I want to put an end to this UCI saga once and for all, and know that maybe God just didn’t have the typical college experience of dorms, partying, hangovers, academic probation, etc in His plan for me. As hard as that is to swallow (especially since it was my dream all throughout HS), I’m trying to remember that He knows what’s best for me.

It’s just hard.

From AZcentral.com
New pope good for church’s continued course, bishop says

Michael Clancy
The Arizona Republic
Apr. 19, 2005 12:05 PM

Pope Benedict XVI will bring continuity to the worldwide Catholic Church, following in the footsteps of Pope John Paul II.

The new pope, the former Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, served the late pope since 1981 as prefect for the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith, the Vatican office that maintains church orthodoxy.

“No one worked as closely for as long with Pope John Paul II as Cardinal Ratzinger,” Phoenix Bishop Thomas J. Olmsted said in a brief press conference Tuesday morning. “The cardinals considered that in electing him.”

Olmsted said that above all, continuity will be the key word for Pope Benedict XVI. But his personality differs from his predecessor, Olmsted said, and he comes to office under different circumstances.

Because of his age, 78, the new pope is unlikely to travel as much as John Paul II, but one trip he will make will be to World Youth Day in Cologne, Germany, in August.

“I can’t imagine what that will be like,” Olmsted said. “It will be the return of their favorite son. That will be a very exciting moment.”

The pope has been known as the watchdog of church doctrine, called by some the “Panzer-cardinal,” referring to his German roots and his strict adherence to doctrine.

Olmsted said he is not concerned about the pope’s conservatism.

“He will present church teaching in a way that is understandable,” Olmsted said, indicating that like his predecessor, Benedict XVI is intelligent, multilingual and familiar with a variety of cultures.

“I’m very thrilled,” Olmsted said. “I am very grateful for his choice. I think he is a very good choice.”

I’m a little disappointed it wasn’t Cardinal Arinze, who is Nigerian, or the other South American guy. Most of the Catholic Church’s members are in Third World countries, this would have been a goopd way to reach out to them… Oh well. I’m sure this guy will do a great job as well.

I heard on some news program that the name the Pope chooses reflects what kind of Pope he plans on being, based on the work the other did. I looked up Benedict XV and he was the Pope during WWI. All the news stories are saying that he’s going to continue John Paul II’s legacy. Hope that doesn’t mean ignoring all the child molestor priests in America. :evil:

Like how this week started out so well and slowly went downhill with the approach of school once more. Friday I went to lunch and shopping with Mike. I got new jeans and a shirt to go with a shirt I got for my birthday. Then guard, barf, then a guard party, yay! We watched “10 Things I Hate About You,” “Beauty and the Beast,” “Selena,” “Zoolander,” “The Princess Diaries,” and Yelitza’s Quicenera video. It was really beautiful, I remember that. The slumber party was fun [even though I konked out at around 11], and the next day was our competition. We totally kicked ass, and we placed first and got the gold medal for championships. It almost makes all the shit we went through for the last 4 years worth it, and it sure was a great way to go out… which kind of scared me, hehe. I feel like high school is just beginning for me, and I wish it wasn’t over yet. Bah.

Today I went to church and helped teach this morning, then we had a discussion thing at youth ministry. I talked, it was scary. After that, we went to lunch and Mike took me home and he went to catch for Hughes and Cody for a while. Then he picked me up [hehe] and we went back to his house, then we went to The Greens to do some putting with his Dad. I won. Then we went to Fatburger for dinner, it was goood.

I wish happiness could exist without sadness.

mood: kind of bummed.
song: I copy ne and link to lyrics now. “The Silver Shining” – L’Arc~en~Ciel [go J-pop]